The Business of Boudoir »

It’s not you, it’s them

lance-busystreetPINIt’s 11pm, and you’re sitting at your computer editing some sessions so you can get them out the door by the end of the week. You decide to take a break and pore over your site statistics. Great! I’ve had 843 unique visitors since Monday! But wait a minute, you don’t recall getting any email inquiries about your services. That’s odd. So many visitors and not one of them contacted me? Now you start questioning yourself because surely the problem is with you. Your prices are too high! Your packages don’t offer enough value. You’re not good enough! Your mind goes through the mental rolodex of previous customers…did any of them seem unhappy? No, they were definitely happy. So what’s going on? Where did I go wrong?


Before I found happiness, I used to do this exact thing whenever someone I considered a friend just inexplicably left the friendship, or when a person I made a real connection with just started to fade away. I thought “Certainly the problem is with me. I must’ve done something, but what? Did I say or do something wrong?” I called this behavior self-attribution of people’s motives. I blamed myself for the weird shit other people do. Now how messed up is that?

But then I was given the gift of sight and realized most of the time, it’s not me, it’s them. There is a whole world of other reasons people choose not to do what you’d like them to do. Maybe they don’t like you. Then again, maybe they just got into a fight with their spouse. Maybe the kids are really sick and they have no medical insurance. Maybe they just found out little Jimmy’s teeth are in need of some serious metal rails and rubber bands to hold them in line. Whatever the reason, it has nothing to do with you… all.

Stats can be useful and they can be misleading. Without context, we’re left wondering why people decide to contact or not contact us and we find fault within our marketing strategy. We assume the worst, and we assume it’s our fault. The reality is…

Sometimes itPIN

Somewhere along the line, we convinced ourselves that if something’s wrong in our lives, it’s because of us. We retreat into a world of self-blame because, well, that gives us control over our lives. We think if we have control over what happens, then we can change it. Of course we have some control over our destiny with the choices we make, but really, there are just too many variables out there for us to be responsible for them all. Instead, what we should focus on is our perception of what’s happening–looking at this lack of client contact and reasoning that “it’s entirely possible they have things going on in their lives just like I do.”

After all, you’re pretty amazing and the photography economy ebbs and flows, right? So tell me, are you one of those who fears email or phone silence?

Lance Taylor

A former Korean translator and cyber warrior (yes, that's a real term) for the Air Force, Lance took up photography in 2002. Lover of meat, hater of cilantro, and owner of two tri-pawd dogs, he spends his time photographing clients, friends, and models. Occasionally, he writes things on Facebook, and by occasionally, he means regularly, loquaciously, and prodigiously. He attempts to have more happy days than unhappy and surrounds himself with positivity.

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  • June 10, 2014 - 10:00 PM

    Danea - They def’ come in waves. It seems like just as I start to panic about the silence and debate running some sort of special, the calls start coming in. It can be a bit nerve wracking when you speak to other photographers who are booking like crazy and you hear crickets, but weeks down the road the tables turn.

    Glad to know we have all been in these shoes. 😉ReplyCancel

  • June 10, 2014 - 10:25 PM

    Petra Herrmann - Danea – I found myself shitting twinkies a few weeks ago myself, but nearly overnight, my calendar filled.

    Lance – thank you! and as always… you’re right.ReplyCancel

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